4 Easy Ways to Connect with Your Teen and Build Their Confidence

Our teens have been floating. For the past few months, the schedules that usually anchor them have been gone.  Structure and predictability contribute to confidence, and those have been missing.  So how can we build some of that confidence and connect rationally to our teen? Keep reading to learn the 4 ways to connect with your teen and help them make confident decisions.

Thinking about our kids reminds me of a scene from last weekend.  We were social distancing on a quiet lake, and I watched a yellow raft as it floated out slowly away from shore.  The young adults in the raft were listening to music, feet hanging over the sides, and enjoying the fresh outdoor air.  There was a slight breeze to keep them cool as they drifted farther and farther away. The breeze picked up and soon they realized how far they had gone.  They rowed and rowed, against the wind, changing places to relieve each other, but it was a lot of work.  They made it back safely, but exhausted.  What if…they had been just a little more aware and rowed every few minutes back when they were leaving shore?  They still could have enjoyed the lake, and even relaxed. But by doing nothing until the last minute, their rowing became frantic and difficult.

Let’s help our teens row. Let’s engage our teens now, if only just a little, to keep them connected with us and help keep their confidence up. It will make a big difference to help them be prepared to meet new challenges and changes in the fall.

1. SHARE a challenge from your work. Since so many people are working from home and don’t have their colleagues to bounce ideas with, ask your teen. This does two things: shows that work delivers problems, and work asks us to come up with solutions. I hear from employers that many young adults are often unprepared for the challenges in “real” work environments and employees give up too early. Teach your teen that problems at work are normal and are part of the life process.
2. SHOW your teen you VALUE them by asking their opinion. How do you feel when someone asks you for your advice? It lights up our brain and engages our prefrontal cortex (as much as receiving a gift!). Our teens are given the opportunity to experience a positive mature relationship with us based on mutual respect.
3. TEACH your teen how to look at a problem that doesn’t have an emotional connection to them (like your work or similar situation). Work as a team to brainstorm possible solutions, then narrow them down to 2 or 3. Imagine the various outcomes and the impact they each would have. Explain that sometimes there is no ideal solution, but that making a decision with the best available solution is part of business.
4. FOLLOW UP with the real outcome and let them know how it played out. Did the solution work? Did you have to adapt or change it? Did the solution fail or work out great? What did you learn? Sharing problems, failures and successes of our work is a golden life lesson that teens can learn without the emotional burden of the direct impact on them.

Working through this process teaches our teens to be independent. We can help them prepare for the realities of life. When confronted with situations in school, with friends, college, and eventually work, our teens will be CONFIDENT that they have the tools to make thoughtful, intelligent decisions.